so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
