peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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