Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
