next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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