he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
