That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
