Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
