if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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