it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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