you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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