"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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