Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize