I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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