Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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