Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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