that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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