shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
