It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
