It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
