Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
