I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
