I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
