i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
