I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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