dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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