we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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