If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
