Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
