According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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