i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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