just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
