Yo dont text me then not text me
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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