So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
