tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
