I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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