I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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