I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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