dude i'm inner monologue high
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
