Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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