before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
