Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
