I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
