We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize