Are we in a gay sports bar?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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