I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
