I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
