good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
