We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
