Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
