She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
