My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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