dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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