i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
