goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
