I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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