Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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