another moral hangover. fuck.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
