im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
