tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
