The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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