i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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