Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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