Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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