Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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