last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
