I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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