So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
