awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
