It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
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my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
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Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize