Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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