just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
