I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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