Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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