yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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