what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
