Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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