Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
